


vespers

by cheinsaw



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Lowercase, M/M, Making Out, Post-Canon, Trans Male Character, Trans Saihara Shuichi, Virtual Reality, i'm ex-catholic i am legally allowed to repurpose religious imagery for gay fanfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 05:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16717339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cheinsaw/pseuds/cheinsaw
Summary: Vespers: evening prayers, an evening worship.After the killing game, Shuuichi and Kaito drift apart, and then back together.





	vespers

**Author's Note:**

> i'm lesbiam?
> 
> thanks jm for checking this over like 12 times

kaito's apartment is small—so small, in fact, there's barely enough room for anyone to live. he needs it like that, he's told shuuichi, after the killing game having too much space to himself makes him feel lonely, and then he'd turned his head and dropped the subject. shuuichi doesn't mind—less space means that when he sleeps over he's entwined with kaito by necessity, something he'd deeply wanted all throughout the game but never got the chance to ask for.

so there they are, on kaito's futon on the floor, pressed close together. the sun's just about gone down, the sky a soft blue, the stars peeking out. "should turn a light on," kaito grumbles, nearly rolling into the wall as he leans over to flick his bedside lamp on. shuuichi watches quietly as the light illuminates his boyfriend's features. in the years after the game he's changed his hairstyle quite a few times, though his goatee remains. right now the side of his head is fuzzy, the hair beginning to grow back from being shaved.

shuuichi wants to touch it. so he does.

"soft, huh?"

"mmm, yeah."

"was thinkin' of getting some stars shaved into it." seeing the look on shuuichi's face, he snorts and says, "what? my clients will think it's cool!"

shuuichi can't stop himself from grinning. there's certainly a charm to kaito's bizarre sense of style, and shuuichi doesn't doubt that anyone who willingly selected kaito as a personal trainer would somehow find it endearing. "okay, kaito-kun."

neither of them are sure who moves in first, but in an instant their faces are close together, shuuichi tilting his head to press his lips to kaito's. stubble scratches his skin, but shuuichi hardly minds. the kiss quickly turns feverish, hungry, with shuuichi gripping tightly onto kaito's shoulders. kaito's thigh presses between shuuichi's own, and shuuichi whines against kaito's mouth.

"shit, sorry," kaito mumbles, drawing back.

"eh? uhh, no, it's okay, umm, it… felt good," shuuichi stammers. "sorry…"

"nah, you didn't do anything. just, y'know, you sure about this?"

shuuichi's not, and that's what's destroying him from the inside out. he loves kaito; this is a certainty. he wants to be close to kaito, wrapped up in each other so tight he can't tell where he ends and kaito begins. and yet… intimacy is such a difficult, careful thing. it has been five years since the game's end, and shuuichi still finds it hard to trust.

"i, uh," is what shuuichi says instead. "i think i… might need a minute."

"'s all good, take however long you need."  
"i'm just going to take off my binder," shuuichi says quietly, and kaito replies with a thumbs-up.

kaito's bathroom is full of plants: bromeliads, dracaena, mother-in-law's tongue. shuuichi stares at their spiky leaves as he rolls his binder up and over his head. he replaces his shirt, then sinks down to the floor, resting his head on his knees under the dim fluorescent light.

 _what are you doing?_ he thinks to himself, and finds that he doesn't have an answer.

"oi, shuuichi," kaito calls from outside. "you okay in there?"

shuuichi snaps back to himself. "ah, sorry! i'll be out in a minute." he stands up, straightens his shirt, washes his hands to stall for time. the warm water against his chilled fingers sends little shocks throughout his body. ah, well. he dries off his hands and switches the light off, clutching his binder to his chest as he walks out to meet kaito once more.

kaito's moved over to the apartment kitchenette, filling his portable water heater over the sink. two unopened packages of cup ramen sit side by side at the table. "there you are!" kaito says. "figured i'd make you some too, but if you want something else, just lemme know, y'hear?"

"ah, ramen is fine. thank you," shuuichi adds. he dips out to place his binder atop his shoes in the entryway, then takes a seat at kaito's table.

the water boils quickly. kaito and shuuichi sit in silence as they wait for their dinner, steam barely escaping the closed paper lids. kaito gives an enthusiastic "let's eat!", which shuuichi follows more quietly. the noodles are familiar and salty, tasting of not much of anything, but it's filling enough to soothe the gnawing anxiety in shuuichi's chest.

as they eat, kaito begins to make idle small talk to fill the empty space in the room, but shuuichi doesn't mind. he does like hearing kaito's voice, at the very least.

"shuuichi?"

"huh? ah, yeah…" shuuichi snaps to attention, hearing his own name.

"you feelin' better? just making sure."

"oh, yeah, i am. thanks."

"so, like… kaito shifts in his seat. "did i make you uncomfortable or somethin'? i mean, it's cool, i won't be mad. just want you to feel safe with me."

"um, yeah," shuuichi says. "sorry, um, no, i mean… it was my fault."

"hey, no, not your fault. i just wanted to make sure you're okay, ya feel?"

"yeah… thanks."

"you wanna talk about it, or…?"

this, too, is new, ever since they've been reunited, three years after the game. the kaito in the game would never have invited shuuichi to talk about his feelings. shuuichi's still not quite used to opening up, but it's a start. "ah… kinda? it's just, well, it's not really anything. i just got nervous. i'm okay now," he hurriedly adds.

"as long as you're fine. you know you can tell me any time, yeah?" kaito reminds him.

"yeah." shuuichi's heart starts to beat faster, his chest feeling lighter.

"so you, uh, you wanna pick up where we left off?"

shuuichi would like nothing more. he eagerly agrees, following kaito back to the bed. kaito lands on the mattress ungracefully, with an audible thud. shuuichi is more careful, lying down at kaito's side. they move in close, in tandem, their faces a breath apart. shuuichi's never been good with eye contact, but, well, kaito's something special. it's easy, when it's him.

kaito kisses him with such tenderness and passion, gently nibbling at shuuichi's bottom lip and drawing a moan out of him. kaito chuckles, loud and rumbling against shuuichi's mouth, and shuuichi threads his fingers through kaito's hair to pull him closer.

intimacy is such a difficult, careful thing. it is painful, at first, after all that they've suffered. it's work. shuuichi knows that more than anyone. but with kaito it's different—it is good, it is pure, it is right. here, under soft golden light in a tiny apartment, it's almost something holy.

 


End file.
